THE STATE OF MIND

The end of the year.   Because of this, I decided to write a few words here in my "garden of thoughts" as well. The year 2025 was a year marked by change for me. But not only that. It was an interesting year in terms of reflection. For several years now, I have had plans for each coming year. Sometimes they form a coherent whole; other times, they are a flash of needs which, if not fully realized, can lead to a sense of defeat and failure. And that is exactly why I am writing this post. Yesterday, I heard an interesting phrase: that we set this boundary point from which we begin our transformation (or, more precisely, plan our transformation) because we feel a need to ritualize the moment of transition. "Starting Monday, I will..." "Starting with the new year, I will..." "Starting next month, I will..." I don’t judge whether the ritual of transition is good, bad, necessary, or not. It is likely whatever it needs to be for each of us individually....

We make them every day. Consciously or subconsciously. Perhaps unconsciously. Reflexively and mechanically. They influence the reality taking shape around us. Decisions. When writing a few days ago about consequences, I knew that the idea I wanted to capture would not be fully expressed if I only wrote about consequences. To do so, I need to look at what comes at the very beginning, many moments before the consequence. Therefore, a decision. What is a decision? I tend to think that it is one of the most beautiful manifestations of free will, although it is probably debatable whether we are truly free. External factors have a significant impact on our existence, including the environment in which we are raised. Perhaps, then, a manifestation of free will will be a decision that is completely different from what our environment expects of us. Manifesting existence by adopting a nonconformist stance. The stance of active nonconformity has always been tempting for me. It's not easy, th...

  The theme of today’s reflections will be consequences. Consequences as the result of decisions made. Every day, every second of our lives, we make decisions. Some we make consciously, others not. Sometimes perhaps automatically, driven by habit. "Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards," as Kierkegaard used to say. Consequently, we can only notice the effects of our decisions from the perspective of passing time. Sometimes I encounter an attitude of negation toward results. Though perhaps more fitting words would be "rejection" and "denial." When the outcome of a decision is not what we wished for, we are capable of rejecting it and refusing to come to terms with the situation. To me, acceptance is the key. To live in harmony with ourselves, we need balance to experience happiness. When we negate the reality surrounding us, disharmony occurs. A disturbance—one that prevents us from feeling happy. I will write one more thing. ...

  The 90s in metal music were interesting. What was born in the 70s and matured in the 80s exploded with all its might precisely in the 90s. This is my own opinion, which every reader of these words has the right to disagree with. Since my musical maturation occurred at the end of the 90s, unfortunately, I didn't "catch" all those epoch-making musical moments. At least not all of them. Somewhere in the late 80s, total frenzy for music under the sign of the horned one took hold in Scandinavia. Bands were popping up faster than mushrooms after the rain. On the wave of this craze, the band Treblinka was formed, which initially touched upon the realms of black and death metal with its work. The band changed its name to Tiamat . In 1992, they released the album entitled Clouds , which heralded changes. The band began its journey toward finding its own path. Already here, acoustic insertions appear (see the introduction to "In a Dream"), keyboard landscapes ("A ...

The world around us is dynamic. I'm not entirely sure whether this is the result of a change that is taking place in society, or perhaps changing the scale to micro, it's just my observation, the conditions of which lie in the environment. This dynamic often does not allow us to notice the vibrations of reality. Whispers of existence. And they're rocking in the background... Running faster and faster into life, we're chasing, I don't really know what. Mara. Are we chasing not to be left behind? We live faster and more intensely. Are we running away from fear? Are we running away from each other? From your own mortality? Knowing that we don't have enough time?  But what is it not enough for us? To escape from life? Because in all this endless race, we lose what seems to be the most valuable currency in all this. We lose the ability to taste life as it is. At one time, my understanding of the taste of life underwent a metamorphosis. I don't know what it was di...

"My freedom, I dreamed I married you." We were raised with a sense of submission and shame. Shame towards our own nature and submission to a deity that, like a parasite, preys on us for survival. I remember that from the time I was very young, "because it is so" wasn't enough as an answer to the questions that tempted me. Deep within me, there was this rebellious, rebellious awareness of being in opposition to what I saw. The images I observed of people attending Sunday Mass clashed with what I observed every day around me. These unfriendly, dishonest, envious people whose source of happiness was the misfortune of someone else. Perhaps this is Catholicism in its Polish form. I saw no other as a child. To this day, I am troubled by the split personality of those who curse their neighbors while simultaneously going to receive communion with folded hands during Mass. Catholicism breeds a two-faced society. The greater its influence on social life, the lower the soc...

 Without an instruction manual. This is how we show up in this world. Without guidelines on which direction to go.  Without signposts.  That single moment when we say goodbye to the womb forever is the purest moment of the unwritten page of our history. Paradoxically, the moment of our birth is the beginning of dying. However, we are not aware of how long this process will last.  Today, a topic that has been close to my heart for a long time. Dying.  *                                                                      *                                                                         * I deliberately...

 On the rough waves of the boundless ocean, anger rolls a ship.  A battle seemingly lost perhaps is the beginning of a great transformation of the boundless ocean into unbroken waters of peace.  *** Today a few words about anger. It came out that way :-) Like everything that appears in my blog spaces so today's post is dictated by life and my observations of it. Sometimes I get angry. It probably happens to all of us sometimes. There comes a moment of eclipse of the mind and we are shrouded in a fog of madness. There are usually reasons behind this fog. They can be various. The car in front of us is driving slowly while we are in a hurry, we felt we were treated unfairly, we ourselves are sometimes the cause of our anger. We get angry at children who, not following our instructions, choose their own path.  Today I am wondering what it is like not to feel anger. What it's like to rid myself of anger and live in harmony. With yourself, with others, with the world aroun...

  When the grayness of the day eats away imperiously at our being, and with grim Schopenhauerian acquiescence we take on one blow after another from ourselves, somewhere in the spaces a fissure opens from which a spark emerges. This small prey, a pearl in the crown of existence that can awaken you from a crippling slumber, a frown. And once it reaches you with its indestructible light you look into the mirror of Wonderland and see yourself on the other side. “There reach where sight does not reach, break what reason will not break”.... Today's post is based on a glimpse. A single moment that I tried with poor success to keep with me only to find out that the attempts are doomed to failure. But is it for sure? So what is this glimpse, this SPARK? It is an indescribable experience. A breathtaking awareness of the magnificence of existence. The essence of Being. It's the moment when suddenly the traffic around you dies down and something makes you in the middle of another reality....

 In recent days I have been reflecting on the great impact on us and our loved ones of the moments in which we decide to make decisions.  As in every case, this blog post was preceded by some existential thoughts laced with real-life events. How many of our behaviors and decisions we make affect not only us, but also our environment. Once these decisions are better, other times worse. But the fact remains that with every decision, even the smallest one, we change the environment around us. Being parents, we change the reality of our children. Being in any friendship relationships we will change those relationships as well. Being married we change the reality around the relationship with our spouse. I would like to believe that these decisions are made based on rationale that has been carefully analysed and thought through.  However, I am more inclined to believe that our decisions are often ill-considered and driven by the moment. And somewhere in the distance there are v...

 Somehow it has worked out lately that all my posts treat death in a way. Today will be no different. It will be very similar. Today I would like to write about loss.... Each of us at some point in our lives has felt the taste of loss. Not the ordinary kind. The kind that is the worst. One after which nothing is ever again as it was before.  At a certain point, time stops its doors to make us realise how insignificant we are in the face of mortality. Death made a mockery of being 28 years ago. It brazenly laughed in the faces of the mortal and mocked those who planned.  “Mors Est Quies Viatoris, Finis Est Omnis Laboris” proclaims an ancient Latin proverb. “Death is rest for the traveler and the end of all work.” This is translated into English.  ***********************************************************************************Death leaves us with a loss. Sometimes an irreparable one. One after which there is nothing left. A huge void is left. Nothingness. Absence. A...

 A new year, a new beginning. What for many remains a cause for smiles and derision, for others it is another opportunity presented by life. I won't dwell here on what kind of New Year's resolutions we have and what their meaning is.  This entry will be about something completely different.  About the passing of time. “Memento mori”.  I'm reading an interesting book at the moment, and I think it influences my thoughts and, in a way, what today's entry is about. We don't think about the fact that our time is finite. Or in other words, we push this thought away from ourselves.  Mindlessly losing ourselves in the distractions of everyday life.  “Time is money” proclaims the adage. In a way I agree, but I will change it slightly for the purposes of today's entry. “Time is currency. The most valuable one we have. It's worth leaning on this statement for at least a moment and thinking. We have a limited amount of our currency. How do we spend it?  How much o...